...When He Found Out...

I'm feeling really down today... it's been a week since the divorce papers were finalized. I thought it would feel like relief or something... but all I feel is this heavy, empty void inside... Anyway, I had this moment recently that just made me feel so small and selfish. When we were still together, at the beginning of the whole mess, he caught me in a lie about where I was last night. I told him I was out with friends... when really? Really, I was at home, locked away on my phone, messaging an old flame just because I wanted to feel something again... I never did anything more than talk and text him... but still, the guilt has been eating me up ever since. I mean, we were trying to work things out back then... shouldn't I have been honest? Maybe it would've made a difference, even for a little while... Now he's moved out already... it feels like so much time and effort wasted, on both sides...