Caught My Husband Red-Handed

I've been married to my husband for twenty years now. We have two kids and a house full of stuff we've collected over the years. But lately, things have felt stale between us. I started dating again after years of just being married. Nothing serious yet, but it feels good to explore some new connections. Tonight, though? I walked in on him with one of my friends from work. They weren't even trying to hide it. He was kissing her neck and she had a hand down his pants. It took everything in me not to just turn around and leave without making a scene. We ended up having this long talk about what we both want moving forward. I told him about the other people I've talked to, he confessed that he's been chatting with some women online. But there was something different tonight. He admitted it all to me as they stood in his office at work, her hand still down his pants and his fingers tangled in her hair. The rawness of seeing them like that, half-naked and entangled? It made everything feel so real and dirty. We had the worst sex last night since I was married. My husband told me he wanted to make it up to me after being with someone else. He's always been into domination play, but tonight he really leaned into it. Tied me up on our bed, roughed me up, all while I was still processing what I saw at work. I'm so confused right now. Part of me wanted him to dominate me like that after seeing them together, part of me just felt violated and sickened by it. The sex was wild and uncontrolled - his fingers inside me as he told me I wasn't enough anymore. My body responded even though my mind was in turmoil. I don't know what I want or where this is going. Maybe seeing him with someone else will be the push we need to end things? Or maybe it'll bring us back together stronger somehow? Just a mess right now, trying to figure out if I'm okay moving forward like this.