Caught Between Desires and Deception

I’m married but I’ve been keeping a secret that feels like it’s eating me alive. You see, I started an online relationship with someone who understands my deepest, darkest kinks better than anyone else ever has. We planned this perfectly: all texts, no calls or video chats, no way to trace back a voice or face to the real world. It’s been months now, and every interaction with him leaves me craving more. The way he describes his body, what he wants to do to me... it makes my heart race and my thighs clench in anticipation. Tonight we decided to take things further over video chat. He showed me all the equipment: ropes, handcuffs, a blindfold, everything I fantasized about. It was intense just watching him prep for me. And then, he told me he couldn’t wait any longer and started talking dirty as if he could see every single thing I was feeling inside my head. That’s when I got really wet, so fucking wet that it felt like there was no way to hide it from the camera. He said he wanted to watch me come all over myself. Is this something others have dealt with? How do you balance the thrill of secret desires with the fear of getting caught?