Missing Him While Exploring Elsewhere

I'm in an open relationship with my boyfriend. It's been about a year now and we both agreed that it would be better for us to explore our desires without constraints. But despite this, I find myself feeling guilty when I engage with someone else. Lately, there was one particular night where things felt really intense with another guy, and yet all I could think of was how much I missed my boyfriend's touch and the way he made me feel safe. It's hard to balance the freedom to explore new connections while still wanting that deep emotional connection only my boyfriend provides. Every time we're intimate now feels a bit different as if there's an unspoken understanding between us, yet it leaves me feeling hollow inside when I'm not with him.