Caught in My Own Web of Lies

So here I am, sitting alone with my laptop, and I'm confessing something that's been gnawing at me for months. Married to Sarah for almost three years now, we've always had a good life, stable jobs, a nice house, everything you'd call the American dream. But it's not perfect, is it? We both know there are these little cracks beneath the surface of our happily ever after. Anyway, so I have this thing with women who are older than me. It started a while back when I met this woman at work, let’s just say she’s definitely in her early forties and has a presence that demands attention. She was my supervisor for a short time before moving to another department. Her name is Helen, but let's be clear, it's not about who she is or even what we did, it's more about the fact that I feel like I'm betraying something with Sarah. It all started innocently enough. Just small talk in the hallway, coffee breaks where we'd chat about work and life. Helen is sharp-witted and has this aura of being untouchable, yet she opened up to me in a way that felt... intimate, maybe? I'm not sure how it happened, but somehow, over time, our conversations shifted towards more personal topics. Then came the night we had drinks together after work. It was casual at first, just talking and laughing. But as the evening went on, there was an undercurrent that made me feel like we were both toeing a line neither of us wanted to cross. We were flirting in a way that felt dangerous yet exhilarating. The real issue comes with what happened next. It wasn't anything major or something I want out of my marriage, just one night where there was no going back once it started. There's no excuse for it, and it's been eating at me ever since. What if Sarah finds out? How do you look into her eyes again after something like that? But here’s the thing, I don't regret what happened with Helen. It felt real in a way my marriage hasn’t felt in years. And that’s terrifying to admit, even to myself. I'm stuck between being true to how I feel and wanting to do right by Sarah. I guess this is just me spilling out thoughts from the depths of confusion and regret, trying to make sense of something that seems impossible to reconcile with who I am as a husband.