After Shift, A Different Kind Of Pain

I'm a nurse in my late 30s who recently got separated from my wife. She moved out last month and took the kids with her, leaving me alone in our empty house. It's been tough to adjust, but I've kept myself busy at work. One night, after a long shift in the emergency room, I went straight home, exhausted yet restless. The quiet of the house felt like a physical presence pressing against my skin, making me fidgety and frustrated. So, I did something that feels both shameful and strangely liberating now: I set up all these medical tools from my office, gloves, alcohol pads, a few other supplies, and laid out on my bed with them. It felt wrong but also strangely right to turn myself into a patient for a moment of self-care. Using the gloves, I prepared my body as if I were about to undergo some kind of invasive procedure, except instead of medical intervention, it was all for me. My fingers danced along the lines of my body, searching for points of pleasure in a sterile, clinical way that left me breathless and dizzy. I couldn't ignore the physical sensations mixed with emotional ones as I touched myself methodically like this. It felt both taboo and oddly normal at the same time, this blend of medical practice and personal release was intoxicating yet guilt-inducing. Does anyone else do something similar for their alone time? Am I just crazy or is it common to find solace in unusual places?