Experiments After Divorce

So I got divorced about six months ago. My ex was really controlling and wouldn't let me have friends or go out much, so now that we're apart, I feel like a new person trying to figure everything out on my own. Anyway, one day I decided to try a few of the kinks I read about online but never explored. It felt weird and exciting at first since it's something different from what I've ever done before. But then...I started getting more adventurous with them. There was this one video that really pushed me, where two women were roleplaying as teacher and student in an office setting. It made me feel things inside me that I didn't know could exist. And the idea of submitting to someone's control like that, it was scary but also oddly comforting somehow. So yeah, I reached out to this woman on a kink dating app who said she'd be interested. She came over and we talked through everything beforehand. We roleplayed as teacher and student for hours while she spanked me with a paddle (not hard at all) and tied my wrists together above my head. It was so different from the way I usually think of myself, feeling helpless but also loved in this weird way because she cared enough to make sure it felt good. I'm still figuring out what this means for who I am now that I'm single, and I know part of me is scared it'll ruin things if I let myself enjoy these types of fantasies. But right now at least, they're helping fill a hole inside me from everything changing so suddenly.