Just Another Day Away from Home

I've been married to my husband for six years now. We're both in the military and it's a constant cycle of deployments and long separations. Yesterday, as I was watching him on a video call, he was back at home this time, while I was here working through another deployment, miles away from everything that feels familiar, we started talking about how much longer until he'd be back with me again. It's been like this for so many months now, and each day seems to drag by more than the last. Then there were those few moments when it felt like I was just letting go of all the loneliness. We hadn't done anything explicit or even really talked about what we both missed from being apart, but it's hard not to think of how much more there is to miss now that he's away again. I know in my head that these moments aren't real and they never will be while I'm here on the other side of a screen. But sometimes, just thinking about what could have been, even for those brief seconds, brings back so many mixed feelings, longing, frustration, relief, sadness. It's not easy to keep going when you can't hold onto what feels real in these moments. I'm trying my best to get through it all. The video call ended and I just went about my day as usual, but the thoughts lingered on and off throughout the evening. There are days when it seems like he'll never be back here with me again, and those aren't the most pleasant of days. I miss him more than words can say, even though we have each other through these means every single day.