i tried something new and it scared me

i've been with my partner for years but there's always been this thing in the back of my head, this nagging whisper that maybe we should try more. one night i decided to give it a shot, even though they don't really share those desires. we talked about it beforehand and everything was consensual but when it came down to actually doing it... it felt wrong somehow. i'm not sure if it's me or them but after that night i've been feeling this knot in my stomach every time we're alone together. writing this makes me feel a little better, even if no one else reads it.