A Lie I Told Myself

I lied to myself last week when she asked if I wanted to go hiking. I said yes, because the thought of us spending an afternoon outside seemed nice and carefree. But really, I was just trying to avoid admitting how much I didn't want to see her in that outfit again, you know, the tight jeans and crop top that make my heart race every time she wears it. Instead of telling her how it made me feel, I lied about wanting to go hiking so we wouldn’t be stuck together at home where there was no hiding from those signals. It felt like a small victory at the time, but now when I think back on it, all I see is this petty lie eating away at my courage to speak up and say what I really feel.