My First Solo Session After Breakup

I can hardly believe I'm typing this. Just last week, everything was falling apart with Rachel and we finally called it quits after months of struggling to reconnect. The breakup hit me hard, more than just a normal heartbreak. It left a void in my life that nothing else seemed to fill. So today, while the rest of the world went about its business, I found myself back in my apartment, alone and dealing with all these emotions swirling around inside me like a hurricane. And then it happened, I started thinking about her one last time, feeling all those familiar cravings... but there was no Rachel to satisfy them anymore. That's when I gave in. I got out the stuff I hadn't used since before we even met, you know? Things she had never known about or wouldn't have liked. The idea of it was so wrong and yet... oh god, so right. My hands started moving, remembering what they knew from years ago. I closed my eyes as soon as I touched myself, the sight of it made everything feel like a betrayal of Rachel in some way. But there's just something about being the only one who knows exactly how to give yourself pleasure... and today, that’s all I was thinking about. Just me, alone, exploring every inch until I felt my body respond. It was intense, more than it had been for a long time. Part of me hated that I could still feel something so deep down when we'd officially called it quits, but another part... well, the other part wanted to keep going and push everything else away even if just for a little while longer. The reality is, the climax hit me harder than anything has in months, maybe years. I lay there afterward, panting and sweating, wondering how long I could pretend it was still about her or whether I’d have to start figuring out who I am without her influence now. It's confusing as hell. Maybe this was just my body trying to find its balance again after being so focused on someone else for so long.