Went Back To My Ex Just For The Kicks

I know I should have learned from my past mistakes and moved on when she cheated on me. We had a rough breakup, but as time went by, I started missing her again, the way we used to play around in bed, how easy it was with us back then. So one day, I called her up, pretending I needed advice for something unrelated. She seemed happy to hear from me, and soon enough, I found myself asking if she wanted to meet up as friends. She agreed readily, which is when the guilt started gnawing at me, but also, it made me feel powerful. I had this crazy idea in my head that maybe we could just be fun, without any of the strings or expectations. When we met, everything felt familiar yet different; there was a tension between us that went beyond casual friendship. That night turned out to be more than I bargained for, we ended up back at her place with a mix of reminiscing and flirting until it got too intense. We decided then that being just friends wouldn't work, so we agreed on occasional meet-ups where both could explore old attractions without getting attached again. I know I'm probably the asshole here since she's still healing from our past issues, but there was something about seeing her and reliving those moments that felt too good to resist. It’s not like it was all physical; we talked a lot too. But every time we met after that first night, we’d end up going further than I thought I ever would, sometimes in ways neither of us fully expected. I’m still coming down from this high and wondering if it's worth the potential fallout. Part of me thinks about how real our connection was then and wonders if maybe something new could grow out of these meetings, while another part knows it’s just a reckless game I'm playing with fire. But for now? I’ve got a secret that keeps giving me shivers, and not necessarily because it's risky.