...I Broke My Marriage Pledge...

It's been such a long time since I've felt this way. You know that feeling where everything seems so wrong? Where you're just stuck in the everyday but something's not clicking, right? Well, I thought it was just stress or maybe even growing apart... but then she came into my life. I met her at one of those legal seminars back when everyone is still trying to figure out who they are professionally. She had this aura about her, like she knew exactly what she wanted and wasn't afraid to go after it. At first, I tried to stay away because I'm married... but then she made a move and I was just too weak. We've been meeting up for months now, ever since that seminar. It's not something I can fully explain... or justify really. We talk about everything under the sun, politics, books, our dreams. And yes, it's all very physical too. But it feels right in a way my marriage hasn't felt in years... I'm so scared of what this means for me and my wife. She doesn't know anything; she has no idea... We're still together at home, but the intimacy is gone. And now I have this other person who gets everything else about me. It's like a secret world, and every time we meet it feels so much better than any moment with her [my wife]. But what kind of man does that make me? I feel so torn between wanting to end things but not being able to. I'm drowning in all these emotions and fears... wondering how long this can last. It's like I've stepped into a fantasy world where none of the real rules apply, but when it ends I'll have to face everything that comes with that decision. And then there are days when it feels so hollow and wrong. I love her [my wife], I do, but I also care about this other person deeply too... It's just all such a mess.