It's So Ashameful

I don't know why I'm writing this, maybe it'll make me feel better. Me and Sarah were out on a date last night. It was just casual drinks at this bar downtown. We've been seeing each other for about a month now, nothing serious yet. But then we went back to my place after the bar closed. She's really pretty, smart too, but... I don't know why it happened. There was this moment where we were kissing and suddenly, before she pulled away, I kind of took control in a way that felt like... not quite right. I made her do things she didn't ask for. It was consensual because she's an adult too, but afterwards I felt so sick to my stomach. She seemed okay, said it turned her on too and wanted me again soon. But it wasn't about mutual pleasure or desire like before - this was different. It still feels dirty inside of me thinking about it.