Caught Between Roles

I'm fifty-six and a professor of literature at a small college. My wife is an accountant; we've been married for twenty years. We have a good life, but it's not always exciting. I like to explore different aspects of my sexuality in private fantasies that I don't share with her. One weekend, while she was out of town visiting family, I decided to indulge myself. I arranged for a personal meeting with one of my students through email and asked if we could talk about her thesis over coffee. She agreed enthusiastically and suggested a local cafe near campus. As soon as we sat down, though, it became clear she had something more in mind than academic discourse. I tried to steer the conversation back to her work, but she was persistent. When she placed her hand on mine under the table, I knew where this was going and felt conflicted. Part of me wanted to push away and end the meeting immediately; another part wanted to indulge my own desires for a change. After several minutes of indecision, I decided to go along with it, feeling guilty but curious. We went back to her apartment and spent the afternoon exploring each other's bodies in ways that crossed multiple boundaries we'd never spoken about. When she left later that evening, I felt ashamed but also strangely satisfied. It was a stark reminder of how far my fantasies had taken me from reality and respectability. Was I being an asshole for pursuing this? Was the student too forward? How should a married man balance his own desires against his duties to others when no one is watching?