My Partner Won't Go There with Me - But I Will Anyway

I've been in a relationship for five years now, and things have always been pretty vanilla on the sex front. My partner, Jane, is amazing but not really into pushing boundaries or trying new things sexually. She's happy enough with what we have. Or so I thought until about six months ago when this weird fascination with BDSM started creeping up on me. It all began when I watched some bondage videos online one night while browsing aimlessly before bed. Something about it struck a chord deep inside me, and the next day, I couldn't get those images out of my head. So, I started reading more and learning about safe words, proper gear, and consent. I wanted to talk with Jane about it but chickened out because she's very traditional in our relationship. We've been pretty hands-off sexually outside the bedroom for years, no dirty texts, no foreplay phone calls, nothing that might stir things up too much. So I decided not to mention any of this to her at all. Instead, last weekend when we were both out of town visiting family separately, I found a local BDSM club in the city and booked myself for one of their beginner workshops. The whole experience was intense: dark room, people dressed up, soft music playing...it felt like stepping into another world where everyone understands what you're going through. During that workshop, I got to try a light rope tie-up session with another participant who knew exactly how to make me feel both vulnerable and secure. The sensation of being restrained by someone else, having my limits explored in such an open way, was electric. It was so much more than just sex; it was about trust and power exchange. Afterwards, I had a hard time letting go of that feeling. Back home, every touch from Jane seemed to remind me of how far apart we were now. I couldn't shake the urge to tell her everything but knew if I did she would freak out and possibly want to end things completely. So here's where I am: sitting on this new sexual discovery with no real outlet except for my fantasies. Tonight, I plan to sneak away again and head back to that club alone. Tonight is the night I'll finally embrace what I've been craving all along without needing anyone else's approval or consent beyond my own.