My Secret Shame

I’ve been engaged to my partner for almost a year now. Everything seemed perfect, but there’s this thing I can’t stop thinking about and it’s driving me crazy. Last month, we went on a weekend getaway at our favorite beach resort. The hotel had an adults-only spa area, and they offer couple’s massages. We decided to give it a try, wanting to spoil each other for the occasion. It was supposed to be relaxing, but as I laid there with my partner beside me, I found myself feeling something else entirely. I couldn’t help staring at the masseuse working on him, imagining what it would feel like to have her hands on me instead. The sensations of her fingers kneading into his muscles made me ache in ways I hadn't expected. After that day, I’ve been struggling with these thoughts of wanting someone other than my fiancé. I’m ashamed because we’re so close and committed, yet there’s this part of me that wants to explore something else with another woman. It feels wrong, but it won’t go away.