My Artistic Outlet and My Secret Kink Partner

I've been this way for as long as I can remember. Ever since I picked up a paintbrush in high school, art has been my main creative outlet, the one thing that really grounds me. But somewhere along the line, something else crept into my life, kink. It's strange to think about how it snuck up on me, but now it’s just as much a part of who I am as the paintings hanging in my studio. It started with bondage gear and light spanking, nothing hardcore. But over time, I found myself craving more and more intensity. Lately, though, things have taken an unexpected turn. I discovered this online kink partner, someone to play out these fantasies that are so much darker than what I usually do in the real world. We've been role-playing for months now, pushing each other into territory I never imagined. The twist is that she's not just a fantasy character or an anonymous user; it’s my cousin Lily, who lives nearby and has a similar taste for kink but doesn’t go public like me. It was exhilarating at first, this feeling of getting away with something dangerous, like we're breaking some unspoken rule between adults. But now I worry about the line blurring between fantasy and reality. It's one thing to draw it or act it out online; it's another entirely when you start sharing thoughts that feel too real, even for a role-play. She's not in any physical danger, we both know how to set boundaries, but every time I let her into my artistic process, like sketching scenes from our chats, there’s this nagging voice whispering that something isn't right. I can’t say it’s entirely negative; for all the worry, it's also a relief. In a way, it gives me permission to dive deeper with my art and explore aspects of myself I might otherwise hide. But will it lead us into real trouble if we're not careful? So here's my question: am I the asshole for keeping this up? Is there something unhealthy about it, or is it just a bold way to live life on the edge?