The Code Behind Closed Doors

I’m a software engineer by day and I’ve been married for three years. Everything in my life was supposed to be perfect until this summer when I started an affair with one of my coworkers, Jane. At first, it was just about the thrill of being with someone new, but then I found myself drawn to her intelligence and the way she challenged me both intellectually and sexually. We’ve kept our affair strictly professional during office hours, but outside work we meet in a hotel room near downtown. It’s become this secret haven where reality seems different. The hotel is an escape from my daily routine, from my home life, everything that usually keeps me grounded now feels like chains restraining me from her. Jane and I have developed a rather explicit ritual for our encounters. She likes to blindfold me as soon as we enter the room. Then she strips off her clothes in front of me while still keeping me in the dark. It’s all about heightening my senses, making each touch, smell, and sound more intense. Once I’m unbound from my sight, Jane guides me to a large bed where I lay back as she straddles over me. Her hands run down my chest, teasing my nipples before moving southwards to untie the belt of my pants. Once they’re off, she positions herself right above my cock. She starts with small, gentle movements, and then gradually increases her pace until I’m gasping for air. She likes feeling me thrust against her from below while her hands explore every inch of my skin. The way our bodies move in tandem creates a rhythm that’s both exhilarating and nerve-wracking at the same time. Sometimes we switch it up by tying each other to the bedposts, exploring dominance and submission dynamics I’d never have imagined myself getting into with someone like her or anyone else before. Each encounter leaves me questioning whether I’m still in love with my wife, wondering if what I feel for Jane is real or just a momentary diversion. How do you justify infidelity when it’s become more than just the thrill of the chase? Is it ever truly okay to pursue these kinds of relationships, even when every part of your being knows there will be consequences? Tell me in the comments, am I the asshole here?