...Sometimes I Struggle...

I'm married with kids, and we have a pretty stable life...but there's this thing that sometimes gets to me. It started small, like watching something naughty online once in a while when the house was quiet and no one could know. But it got bigger, more frequent, and I couldn't shake this feeling of wanting to explore things further with my husband... I tried talking about it casually...but every time, his eyes would glint that funny way he gets when we're joking around or having fun together, but then the moment passes and it's like nothing ever happened. So now I keep quiet...just hoping maybe he'll bring something up one day. It feels so wrong to have this secret life...but there are moments where I really need it too. The shame gets heavy sometimes, especially when I think about how much my kids look up to me and what they might say if they ever found out... ...I wish things could just be simple and normal for once.