Patient's Sweet Secret?...

So there I was, Mr. Rodriguez on 2B, his breathing steady, machines beeping in the background. He’s a good patient, always cracking jokes or asking how my day is going when he wakes up after an operation. But today, there was something different about him. It started with me checking his vitals and noticing that his sheets were a bit crumpled and damp, nothing out of the ordinary for someone post-surgery, right? Then I noticed the small notebook hidden under some tissues in the nightstand drawer. It had a few scribbled pages, and as much as I know it’s against policy, my curiosity got the better of me. He wrote about his wife and how they used to be so close but she left him for another woman. That was two years ago. Ever since then, he’s been alone, not even touching himself anymore because he feels guilty and unworthy. But there were other notes too, fantasies, desires that had nothing to do with guilt or pain... I couldn’t help but think about the day we met when I found out it was his birthday and I brought him a card just like anyone would for a patient. But maybe there’s more to our interactions than meets the eye? So here comes today. He asks if I’m single, says he has something important to share, something “we should talk about.” And then... I realize what it might be and my stomach drops. And just like that, we’re in a moment neither of us expected, me, engaged, him, a patient. We start talking more than ever before; the lines blur between our roles... It was an intimate encounter with him on his side, sheets tangled around him, hands grasping at my hips as I moved above him... The sound of skin against skin, breaths intermingling, fingers digging into each other’s backs in a rhythm that felt both forbidden and perfectly natural. Now he’s leaving the hospital soon. What do we say to each other? Is this even something you can do or should do between someone who is your patient and someone else’s fiancé? And so here I am... wondering if it’s normal for a nurse to feel this way after sharing such an intimate moment with a patient. Am I being selfish? Should I just move on and let him deal with his life without adding more complications? ...