...Exploring Alone in the Night...

I've always been okay with my single status as a military spouse. It's quiet here most nights, but tonight felt different... Something pulled me out of bed, down to the darkened living room where I could hear nothing but my own breathing and the creaks of old wood settling around me. My hand found its way under my shirt, circling over my breast as I leaned back into the couch cushions... The sensation was raw and real, a reminder that this body is mine alone to enjoy when I want it... But then I started imagining him... Him being here with me, hands everywhere at once, pulling me down onto his lap, kissing me deeply until all thought dissipated in the heat of it. My fingers slipped inside my pants, brushing against damp curls and warm slickness as my back arched off the couch cushion... This isn't normal for me to crave something so... vividly specific... Do you think I'm just bored? Lacking confidence with myself or is there more going on here that's okay to explore alone?