Just Out of My First Relationship

I just got out of my first serious relationship, and it's a mess. We were together for two years, and I always felt like we had an unspoken understanding about how things worked between us. But now that we're done, I'm realizing how little control or influence I actually had. It was the first time I really leaned into my nonbinary identity openly with someone, but they never quite seemed to get it right. We talked about boundaries and what felt good for both of us, but there were still moments when it felt like a game of guessing instead of clear communication. After we split, I found an old text where I suggested some CNC roleplay just so we could explore something safely, but they never really picked up on the idea or gave me any space to experiment in that way. It's hard not to think maybe things would have been different if I wasn't afraid to push harder for what I wanted. Now I'm trying to figure out how to move forward with a better understanding of my own desires and needs.