...My Ex's Dirty Little Secret...

I got divorced six months ago from my ex-husband, Jake. We were together for ten years, but lately, he just wasn't into me the same way anymore. He stopped initiating, we rarely touched, I think even hugs felt forced after a while. I was starting to lose hope until one day, I stumbled upon his private chat messages on our shared laptop. He had been talking intimately with some younger guy online for months... and it wasn't just chatting. They were planning meetups, trading pictures of each other's bodies, talking about sex toys and roleplay fantasies he wanted to try out, stuff we never did together because I was the one pushing him to explore new things. When I confronted Jake about this, he told me straight up it wasn't just chat or flirtation. He had a girlfriend in secret for months while still married to me... and she was into all kinds of kink scenes that left nothing to the imagination: fisting, pegging, breathplay, impact play with whips and paddles... The worst part? When I read through his messages, he described me as 'too vanilla,' but the girl he cheated on me with, she gave him what he wanted. He would talk about how tight her ass felt in a plug during anal... or how loud she was when he gagged her throat. The explicitness of it all... made my blood boil. We ended up getting separated, and now I'm starting to heal from this betrayal. But sometimes at night, especially after masturbating alone, I wonder if maybe I could have been more like the girl in his messages? If changing myself would've kept him interested longer? Do other people ever feel this way about their partners' infidelities... or am I just too insecure and needy for attention? ...