Secret Fantasies and Realities Collide

I've been married to Sarah for five years now. We have an amazing life together, two kids under three, a cozy home in the suburbs, and we both feel so lucky. But there's this dark little corner of my mind that I rarely admit even to myself. It's about leather, chains, and pain. I don't want to hurt Sarah or anyone, I just get this intense rush from certain BDSM scenes. Lately, it feels like a ticking time bomb inside me. I've tried talking to her about kink play in the past but she doesn't share my interest. The fear of pushing too hard and losing what we have is crippling me. Last night, when Sarah was asleep, I snuck into our basement and put on a leather outfit and gloves. I fantasized about a woman kneeling before me, letting go completely, and it felt so real, so powerful. It scared the hell out of me but also made my heart pound in ways nothing else has for years. How do you stay true to who you are while honoring what makes your partner comfortable? This isn't just something I think about, I feel it viscerally every time I close my eyes.