My Ex-Husband's Secret Life

I broke up with my husband three months ago after he confessed to having a long-term relationship with another woman. The pain of the divorce still stings, but there’s something else that keeps me awake at night. A few weeks before the breakup, I found evidence of his secret life in our home office. A box of old love letters from various women, dating back years, hidden behind a loose floorboard. Each one signed with initials or nicknames instead of real names. I felt like a fool, discovering this trove of deceit after nearly five years of marriage. But there was more than just the letters. A locked drawer in his desk contained erotic photos and videos he’d sent to these women over the years. It broke my heart when I saw how detailed each file was labeled: 'Bride', 'Wife', 'Lover', all with notes about our marriage, our bedroom routine, the ways we had disappointed him or fallen short. I confronted him about it one night while he was still sleeping in our bed. He woke up to me rifling through his secret files, and I could see guilt flicker across his eyes. But instead of explaining himself or asking for forgiveness, he told me he couldn’t change who he is. That this life, the one outside our marriage, was a part of him that needed to be expressed. It left me feeling used, manipulated even by a system I didn’t know existed until it broke my heart. But there’s something else gnawing at me too, something raw and confusing. A few weeks ago, after leaving his house for good, I discovered an envelope with my name on it inside that secret drawer of his. It was another love letter, penned to a woman he’d called 'Lover' all this time. But as I read through the pages, I realized these weren’t addressed to anyone else but me. They were about us, our shared memories, the things we loved, and the parts of him that he felt most ashamed to show me. Now, months after I left him, I can’t stop thinking about those letters and what they might mean for someone like him who kept his true self locked away from those who loved him. Was it possible he needed this outlet as much as I needed honesty? Do you think he was truly capable of being monogamous or had we both been living a lie all along? Am I the asshole here, or did our marriage fail because one person felt trapped in a loveless relationship while another couldn’t give up his need for freedom and secrecy? Let me know what you think.