My First Solo Since Divorce

I haven't touched myself since my divorce three months ago. I kept trying to tell myself that I was fine without it, but the truth is I've been lying to myself. Tonight, after a particularly lonely night of staring at the ceiling, I gave in. My hand slipped down into my panties, fingers gliding through wetness that I hadn't even realized was there until now. I rubbed and circled over my clitoris, feeling it grow harder with each pass, pressure building inside me like a dam ready to burst. I imagined his face while doing it, the face of my ex-husband who left me alone in this house, but as much as he used to frustrate and infuriate me, now that I'm here on my own, I find myself craving him more than ever. It feels so wrong, so taboo, yet there's an undeniable pleasure in letting go and surrendering to it all. Is anyone else out there like this? How do you cope with the loneliness and still find some kind of relief?