A Small Lie in the Office Break Room

I've been going through a pretty rough time lately. My divorce was finalized just last month, and I haven't been feeling like myself at all. Work has become my only real escape, but even here, things aren't perfect. Last week, it seemed like everyone else was finding something to be happy about or excited for, while I felt lost in a haze of depression and loneliness. It was particularly tough when my coworkers started talking about their weekend plans. They were joking around and making big plans, laughing together as they discussed all the fun things they had coming up. I tried to join in, but it just made me feel worse. The break room was buzzing with excitement and chatter, and I found myself drifting off into daydreams of simpler times before my life fell apart. One morning, my colleague Susan asked if anyone wanted coffee or snacks from the cafe down the street. She mentioned a special deal they were offering on pastries. Normally, these would be irresistible to me, especially since my ex-husband used to bring them for us in the mornings when things were still good. But right now, all I could think of was how empty and bitter I felt inside. So instead of admitting that I wasn't hungry or interested in the snacks, I lied. I said that I had already gotten some earlier because I thought it would be a nice surprise for everyone to have them at our meeting this afternoon. It felt awful saying something so trivial but dishonest right after the rest of the team seemed to share their genuine plans and interests. When we got back from the meeting, I went into the supply closet to hide out until Susan came back with the snacks. The guilt gnawed at me, knowing that everyone trusted me and I had disappointed them in a small way. But more than anything, it hurt to think about all the other ways this divorce was taking away my sense of normalcy and happiness. I managed to avoid seeing anyone for most of the day after that, trying to figure out how to make things right again without drawing too much attention to myself. By now, I'm sure they know what happened, and maybe it's not a big deal at all compared to other things, but this tiny lie has been weighing on me more than anything else for days.