It Wasn't Just Roleplay Anymore

I've been in this relationship for over two years now. We're happy together, but there's something that's haunted me since last week when we tried a new role-play scenario at my place... It all started when we were just playing around with the idea of control and dominance. I'm normally pretty reserved, but she pushed me out of my comfort zone by saying she wanted to play it up a notch, you know, straps, cuffs, that kind of thing. But as soon as those words came out, something shifted inside me. It's not just the physical aspect; it was like every nerve ending fired at once and all I could think about was submission. I couldn't stop thinking about how it felt when she pulled my hair slightly or forced me to do things against my will within that make-believe world we had set up. Now, outside of our sessions, random moments happen where the urge to let her take control is overwhelming. It's confusing because this isn't just pretend anymore; these feelings are real and they scare me. I feel weak and pathetic for even considering it, but there's a part of me that’s craving more. The other day in bed, she was whispering dirty things in my ear as we cuddled post-coitus. It made me shiver with something else entirely. She didn't notice or maybe she did... Maybe she knows exactly what I need and just isn’t saying it out loud yet. The thought of her possibly knowing sends another wave through me, making the rest of my body feel like jelly. So here I am, spilling all this out on a page, trying to figure things out for myself first. I don't want this to damage what we have, but it’s hard to ignore such powerful feelings just because they scare me. She's the only one who has ever made me feel like this before, I mean, really feel it down deep in my bones. It’s not something I can push aside easily. I know it sounds crazy and maybe unhealthy, telling myself it was all roleplay helped at first, but that facade is cracking fast. There's a new level of vulnerability that's frightening yet exhilarating at the same time. It feels like falling headfirst into a pool without knowing how deep it goes.