Lost Innocence in Love

It's been two years since I met my now girlfriend, Jane. We were both 18 and starting college together, fresh-faced and hopeful for the future. Our relationship started off sweet, like something out of a movie, holding hands walking across campus, watching the sunset at the lake. But as time passed, things began to shift. Jane is beautiful in a way that can't be described; she's confident yet vulnerable all at once. She had always been open about her kinks and desires, but I never quite understood them until recently. We've always communicated well, or so I thought. One day, after weeks of hints from Jane about trying something different, we found ourselves in a new place. It wasn't what she suggested that scared me; it was the change in dynamics. She wanted to explore roleplay and kinks that felt out of our comfort zone initially. I agreed because I trusted her and us, but as soon as we started, I felt like an outsider looking in on a secret life of hers I hadn't known about. It wasn't just the physical changes or new toys, it was how she acted and spoke during these moments. I couldn't shake off the feeling that there were parts of her experience I might never fully understand. We've tried to work through everything, but now there's a barrier between us. We love each other deeply, but intimacy feels like an obstacle course. She says it's all consensual and she enjoys every part of it, yet when we're together without those elements, it feels more natural, but also hollow in its simplicity compared to what once excited me. I don't know if I'm the asshole for feeling out of place or if it’s just our relationship evolving. The sad truth is that while these sessions were a part of us trying to explore and grow closer, they might have inadvertently pulled us further apart.