My Secret Nighttime Art Sessions

I recently got divorced and started painting again as a way to cope. But it's not just painting, there's something else going on too. At night, I paint these intense, erotic scenes with my ex-husband in them. They're so explicit, they feel like private fantasies rather than art. I look at them, trace the lines, and even touch myself sometimes when I'm alone. It feels dirty and wrong, but also strangely freeing. What if someone saw one of those paintings? Would they think I was a pervert for making these images of us together? Part of me hopes no one ever does find out.