i did something i know was wrong but it felt so right

so last night my bf was sleeping and i woke up craving something naughty. i had this fantasy in my head about a stranger, you know? like one of those secret desires where you just want to give in. i ended up sneaking out of bed and logging onto a cam site. it was super risky because we have strict no internet porn rules at home but i couldn't stop myself. i talked to this guy for hours and let him watch me get off solo. it felt so wicked and private, like i had found this secret escape that only i knew about. the guilt is hitting me hard now though - i don't think i could ever cross that line in real life, but being alone with those thoughts of betraying my partner just pushed me over the edge to do something we're not supposed to. really glad nobody caught me though, and even as much as it went against everything we stand for together, i wouldn't change it. there's this part of me that wants to live out these little fantasies sometimes no matter how bad they make me feel afterwards. feels kinda empowering in a dark way.