Why I Snuck Out to Watch Him Masturbate One Night

I've been with my partner for five years now. We have a strong connection and trust each other implicitly, but there's this one kink that I haven't really shared with him, voyeurism. Last night, curiosity got the better of me when he mentioned going to bed early. Quietly slipping into his room when he thought I was asleep, I hid behind the door. Watching him through a crack in it felt... exhilarating and terrifying at once. It's not like I want to do this often or secretly manipulate him somehow, I just needed to see what it was all about for myself. And then there’s the whole guilt complex afterward: why did I feel so compelled? Was it simply the thrill of breaking our mutual trust in a small way, or something deeper about my own sexuality that's calling out for exploration? It doesn't change how much I love and respect him. But maybe there's more I can talk to him about, and it’s not too late to broach this topic with openness instead of secrecy.