A Late Night Experiment Gone Wrong

I've always been fascinated by unconventional forms of intimacy. After my recent breakup with Rachel, I found myself craving something new and thrilling to shake off the heartache. Last night, I decided to reach out to this online kink community for advice on CNC roleplay. We set up a call where they played an authoritarian figure, guiding me through a session that was supposed to help me release some tension and frustration. I agreed to their terms after much hesitation because I trusted the process would be safe and consensual. But as we went deeper into the fantasy, something felt off, it didn't feel like play anymore but rather real control over me in ways I never imagined could happen between consenting adults. Despite my inner turmoil, I tried to push through until they ended the call abruptly, saying I wasn't right for this type of roleplay after all. I'm left questioning if my desire was truly consensual or just a misguided attempt at rebellion against losing Rachel. It's hard not to feel like there's something broken in me now.