Just Another Day Before the Wedding

I'm engaged to this amazing woman, but I can't shake the feeling that there's something missing. Yesterday we went for a walk and she was talking about all our wedding plans, how excited she is. But as happy as I tried to appear, my mind kept drifting back to when I used to meet this older guy online who understood me in ways my fiancée never will. We'd chat about sex, gender, everything, and one night we agreed to a little game where he pretended to be a strict authority figure. It was the first time I felt truly seen as a man, not just a body with boobs. These days, even though she's wonderful, I still find myself longing for that sense of recognition from someone else.