Loneliness in the Shadows

I’m a professor and have been engaged for almost two years now. We’ve talked about waiting until marriage, but lately I’ve found myself feeling so incredibly lonely during our long academic periods. Last month, while at a conference, I met this charming fellow researcher who shared my passion for literature. One night, after the event’s closing drinks, we ended up in a cozy bar discussing everything from classic novels to modern tech. The atmosphere was electric with possibility, and soon enough, we were sharing more personal stories, our conversations weaving around shared dreams and fears. As the evening wore on, the line between friendship and something deeper started to blur for me. We eventually found ourselves alone in an empty corner of the bar, exploring each other’s bodies under the soft glow of hanging lamps. The intimacy was intoxicating yet isolating, every touch felt like a secret whispered between us. I know it doesn’t define our relationship or mean anything long-term; it just happened to be exactly what I needed at that moment. But now I’m left wondering, is this common for couples who are engaged? Do others find themselves drawn to such unexpected connections when alone together isn't quite enough anymore? Am I the asshole here?