Sometimes I Wonder

I've been with Alex for four years now. We're good together, but sometimes it feels like there's this void, a part of me that wonders if something else would make me feel alive in a way he doesn't anymore. Not because anything is wrong, we talk about everything, really, but just... I think about these fantasies that are nothing to do with him. Like being taken by someone, rough play stuff. It's not even about wanting to hurt anyone or be hurt. Just this idea of letting go, of feeling so utterly consumed that you forget yourself for a moment. But then guilt hits hard because Alex has given me so much and I shouldn't want more than what we have. So these thoughts sit in the back of my mind, unspoken, like an old, dusty book on a shelf that no one wants to touch anymore.