i tried something my partner doesn't know about

so i've been really into this idea of trying out a new roleplay with my partner but she's not down for it. like full on not interested at all. i get that, and respect her limits. but there was this one thing...this thing where i wanted to explore being more submissive, like really really submitting, you know? just to feel the contrast sometimes. i met a friend online, someone from years back who knows my history and is down for anything imo. we talked about it briefly, then decided on some private messages. kept it light at first but he was so encouraging and understanding about where i was coming from. i told him all the safewords, rules we agreed on. we met up, just a casual chat spot really. there's cameras everywhere though, had to be careful. he wore this black mask, gloves too, looked super intimidating actually. he gave me some blindfolds and tied my hands behind my back. i could feel the rope against my skin, it was surprisingly sensual. he led me into another room, took off my clothes slowly. i felt exposed, nervous but also turned on. we started talking about power dynamics more, he was very authoritative but not aggressive or scary at all in tone. then he...put a bit of light bondage stuff on, just cuffs and chains for show mostly. when he told me to get on my knees, it clicked something inside i guess. i felt this rush, like a flood of submissive impulses taking over. we got into some oral play that was more intense than usual. his hands in my hair, controlling the rhythm, pace changing all the time. i could taste him so vividly, every lick and suck. it lasted for what felt like hours honestly. just going back and forth between talking dirty and doing things i don't normally do. after a while it was more about enjoying that dynamic and getting off together than any specific act, if that makes sense. ended up fucking pretty hard too but not rough at all. i feel weird about this now though. like am i the asshole for trying this out? is this okay to want even if she's not into it? or am i just being immature by seeking something new and different? need some advice from anyone who gets this kind of exploration.