Conflicted in the Law Library

I'm a first-year law student and I've been in a relationship for about six months now. It's good overall, but there’s this one thing that haunts me, like it was always there even before we got together. We were both feeling adventurous one night. She said she wanted to try something different, push our limits. I knew what she meant. We've done some role-playing before, and the idea of pushing further scared yet intrigued me. I didn't have a lot of experience with this kind of thing until recently. It's hard to admit, but there was this part of me that wanted more control than I usually let myself take. And she agreed to it, in a way that felt consensual and safe. We talked about boundaries beforehand, all the stops, how far we'd go. But during one session, something changed. It started out normal enough. I was playing a stricter role, guiding her through a scenario where she had less control. We were both into it. But then things went further than we agreed on initially. She kept pushing back, not to stop, but to test me. Her eyes never left mine; the challenge was clear. I wanted to push back, to maintain that role I’d set up. It felt wrong, like playing a dangerous game. The fear and excitement mixed together were overwhelming. As we progressed, she got more into it too. It wasn’t about giving up control anymore, it was about testing limits. The session reached a point where I should have stopped. We'd talked about it beforehand, but as things heated up, the lines blurred. She was still telling me she wanted this, and I was letting my own fears get pushed back by her confidence in what we were doing together. There came a moment when I felt like if I didn’t go further, all of this intensity would unravel. It got to a place that made me uncomfortable later on, something more severe than the usual role-play we do. The thought of it now makes my stomach churn. She never said no during, but afterwards, she seemed... shaken, maybe not in a bad way, just different. We didn't talk about it much after, avoiding the real questions and fears that lingered between us. I know deep down, both of us are questioning what this means for our relationship moving forward. I’m stuck with this confession, feeling like I strayed from my values, yet can’t shake the allure of where we went. Now when I look at her, there’s always a shadow of that moment hanging between us, unspoken and unresolved.