Post-Divorce Fantasies in the Dark of Night

Ever since I got divorced last month, there's been this dark fantasy playing on repeat inside my head. The night is when it gets most vivid, lying alone in bed, feeling that emptiness where he used to be, all I can think about is her: the woman I was with before him, the one who taught me what real pleasure feels like. We broke up long ago but every detail comes back now in such intense clarity: how she'd take control, fingers working my cock until I was dripping pre-cum onto our sheets. She'd smirk as she straddled me, riding that hard length inside her body while I gasped for breath, wanting nothing more than to lose myself completely in the moment and just let go. I try not to think about it too much during the day but at night, all these memories flood back, and they feel so fresh. She's thirty now but looking back, she was always a wildcat, that first time when we both came harder than I thought possible. We'd take turns tying each other up sometimes, exploring limits neither of us knew existed until then. Tonight, I woke to the memory replaying like some kind of internal film loop: her hands working me, mouth swallowing what my cock spat out as she rode me, hips grinding in ways that still leave me shivering and hard against the sheets. This feeling of wanting it all back again is both exhilarating and painful, knowing I'll never go down that path with her but also needing to feel those hands on me one last time.