My Secret Obsession With My Co-Worker's Office Arrangements

I’ve been freelancing from home since the pandemic started and my personal and professional life have largely remained separate. But there’s this one thing that I can’t stop thinking about, something so small but it consumes me in a way that feels incredibly wrong. My relationship is good, we love each other and support each other through everything. My partner knows all of my quirks, from how I like the coffee to what shows I’m currently binge-watching. But there’s this one thing that I can’t bring myself to share with them because even in my head it sounds so childish. I’ve had a crush on one of my co-workers for years now, but nothing ever happened between us. We’re cordial and professional, and we know each other as colleagues first and foremost. But recently, something changed, and I found myself thinking about him far more than usual. What really got to me was how he organizes his desk. His office has a window that looks out over the city skyline, and every morning when I walk by on my way into work (yes, we’re back in the office now), there’s this moment where everything freezes for just a second as I see him at his desk. And then, before I can turn away, I notice how he arranges his paperwork. It sounds absurd, but it drives me crazy. The files are stacked precisely in neat piles, and each file is labeled meticulously with his precise handwriting. I never thought about my co-worker this way before, not really. But now the sight of him at that desk, surrounded by all those carefully organized papers and documents, sends a shiver down my spine. It feels dirty to admit it, but every time I see him, the urge grows stronger for me to peek over and look more closely at how everything is arranged. I know this obsession sounds ridiculous on paper, but in real life, it’s consuming. Even though we don’t talk about work-related things much outside of meetings, I find myself wanting to discuss office supplies with him just so that maybe, somehow, I could get closer to his desk and catch a glimpse of those stacks again. This is something that stays hidden between the walls of my mind. It’s like an itch I can’t scratch without feeling ashamed. I never thought a simple arrangement of files could make me feel this way about anyone, let alone someone I technically work with closely every day. Writing it down feels almost therapeutic because it’s so out there and silly, yet incredibly real to me.