My Art and My Dark Secret

I've been trying to focus on my art since the divorce. I thought it would help me heal or at least distract me from the pain of letting go, but lately, all I can think about is this weird kink that started sneaking into my work. It's not something I usually explore, like a dark little obsession with dominatrixes and leather. And it's making me feel things... intense stuff, when I'm alone or drawing these characters. Sometimes, I imagine myself as one of them, the leather-clad dominatrix who commands others in this twisted world of submission and control. But then reality sets in: my hands are trembling because all I really want is someone to hold me close and tell me it'll be okay. That contradiction scares me more than anything. I haven't acted on any of these fantasies yet, at least not physically with another person. It's all been within the privacy of my studio, hidden away in my sketchbooks and paintings. But I'm starting to feel this pull towards something I've never tried before. Maybe that’s why my art is feeling so raw and unfiltered lately. Maybe it's time for a new chapter... but also time to accept who I am, even the parts that scare me.