It's Not What It Seems

I've always prided myself on being a faithful and devoted husband, but lately I've been struggling with something deeply troubling. Over the past few months, I found myself intrigued by online kink communities, specifically ones where people explore taboo fantasies and roleplays. At first, it was just browsing, but then I started engaging more actively. I'd spend hours on forums and private chats, exploring these dark corners of my mind that I've never shared with anyone before, let alone Carol. The shame hits me hard every time I think about how much time I'm spending away from her, hours that could be spent in our bedroom or just talking over a bottle of wine. It's like an addiction now, and the guilt eats at me constantly. What scares me most is that there's this small part of me that wishes Carol would ask why I'm always on my phone late at night, so I can break the silence and open up to her about it all. But what if she doesn't? What if these secret explorations continue eating away at our marriage without ever being addressed? It feels like a heavy weight hanging over everything.