the night i let him come inside me again

so there's this guy i've been seeing for a year now and we're pretty happy together but yeah lately i've just had these urges, you know? like suddenly craving something more intense. last week at work some of my regulars were talking about their dirty fantasies and it kinda got to me. when he texted later that night saying he wanted to come over and spend the weekend with me, a part of me was excited but another part felt conflicted. we've always used protection since day one, even though i'm on the pill too, just as a backup or for extra peace of mind you know? so when he showed up friday night i was all jacked up from my bartending shift and kinda buzzed off some tequila. we got to talking about these new feelings i had and before long it felt like an electric current running through me whenever he touched me, especially with the condoms sitting there as a constant reminder of safety over pleasure. so then comes saturday morning and we're both just lying in bed half asleep, tangled up together when all of a sudden this feeling hits me again. i'm not sure where it came from but suddenly i wanted to let go, you know? wanted the rawness and intensity without anything between us. so i whispered to him that i want to try something different and his eyes got wide but also turned soft and understanding in a way that made my heart race. we didn't rush into it or anything, took our time getting ready for each other, making sure both of us were okay with everything. now here's the real kicker: after it all happened i felt this incredible connection to him, like something between us had changed forever but then at the same time there's this nagging voice in my head asking if i made a huge mistake. am i being irresponsible? or was it just what we both needed as a next step forward? now every time he comes over for our usual weekend thing i get these mixed signals about whether to reach for protection again or not and it's driving me crazy. any advice out there from anyone who might understand this kind of struggle?