A Medical Professional's Dilemma

I’m a doctor in my mid-thirties who’s been engaged to Sarah for about a year. We’ve been together since medical school, and while it hasn’t always been smooth sailing, we’ve made it work through the years of residency and the stresses that come with them. Recently, though, I found myself growing increasingly curious about an old fetish from my younger days, foot worship. It started as a mere fantasy during my early twenties but has resurfaced over the past few weeks in more vivid detail than ever before. The urge to act on it has grown insistent and uncomfortable. Last night was the breaking point. While out for drinks with friends, I found myself locked in an intense conversation with one of them, Alex, a radiologist who’s known me since residency. We’ve always had a friendly rapport but have never crossed professional boundaries or engaged in anything inappropriate behavior. Last night, however, alcohol and old memories combined to blur those lines. In the midst of our chat, Alex brought up an incident from several years ago where we both got quite drunk during an impromptu party at his place. That’s when I first realized my interest in feet, Alex had been wearing sandals that night, and somehow my gaze kept being drawn to them. Fast forward to last night, after some particularly candid jokes about our medical school days, Alex began talking about how he had secretly indulged in the same fantasy but never really acted on it. Before I could stop myself, I blurted out something along the lines of wondering what his feet would feel like under my tongue. It was an outrageous thing to say, even for me who’s usually very reserved, and Alex seemed both shocked and intrigued by my confession. The bar went silent as everyone turned their attention towards us. My face burned with embarrassment but I couldn’t take back the words once they were out there. After that night, we parted ways quickly; I drove home in a daze, feeling both exhilarated and guilty over what had transpired. As much as I care for Sarah, this newfound desire has left me questioning my fidelity to our relationship. I’m not sure if this foot fetish is just another passing phase or something deeper rooted inside of me that I need to address seriously before it affects my life in ways that can’t be undone. What am I supposed to do? Confess to Sarah about a curiosity she knows nothing about, risking everything we’ve built together? Or keep it buried and hope it fades on its own? Right now, all I know is the way Alex’s feet looked under the bar lights last night, tanned, perfectly groomed toenails gleaming with polish, and how my heart raced at the thought of being close to them again. It’s a confusing mess that feels like it has no solution.