After The Breakup

I'm an associate professor in my mid-50s, and I recently ended a long-term relationship. We had been together for ten years, so you can imagine how hard it was to part ways. She left me because she said we needed to explore our lives separately. While the breakup was her decision, I couldn't help but feel responsible for the end of something that felt so permanent to me. Lately, my mind keeps wandering back to those early days when we were both young and full of hope. In bed last night, alone and missing her touch, I found myself thinking about a fantasy where she would come back and tell me it was all just a dream. Of course, that never happened. Instead, I lay awake in the dark, my hand between my legs as I imagined what it might feel like if we could go back to the start. The sensations were real, but they only made me feel more alone than ever before.