...It's Just So Much...

I just got out of a divorce after two years of marriage. It was messy, full of fights over the past few months, but we tried to make it work for a long time. I'm glad it ended up happening though... Now I get to be who I am again without all that pressure from her side...But you know what's weird? The sex never got better after coming out fully as trans... It actually just felt like every encounter was this big disappointment, something we both struggled with and resented. Tonight though, it's been a few weeks since the last time we did anything, I woke up horny but alone... So I went to that kink shop downtown where you can find so many different toys and clothes and everything else. Ended up buying one of those big dildo sleeves, you know? The kind with all the extra length and realism? And well, I just spent hours in my room tonight... Using it over and over again on myself, imagining her there but not really being able to picture that anymore... Felt so good though, so intense... But at some point, it started feeling like something else entirely. Not a way to relive the past, but a new beginning for me alone. I could feel my dick throb and pulse in ways I didn't know were possible... And I kept coming over and over, really exploring this side of myself that had been locked away before... It's just so much, you know? All these feelings pouring out now the relationship is done, all the desires that got stuffed under the rug. I want to be open about who I am and what I like, even if it means breaking some old rules or being messy with my emotions for a while.