i feel trapped

it was our anniversary last night and my boyfriend wanted to celebrate by tying me up and fucking me senseless in the bedroom. he's been into this stuff for a while now, but i've only started playing along recently cuz it makes him happy. tonight though... all i could think about was how much i hate being restrained. the feeling of his hands on my wrists as he cuffed them to the bedframe made me realize that this isn't really what i want. i tried to push away, but my body betrayed me - as soon as he started fucking me, i came within minutes and begged for more. it's like i'm stuck in a cycle of pretending to enjoy his kinks just because it makes him happy. i'm so tired of it.