Why Did I Wait So Long?

I recently ended a long-term relationship with my partner, let's call her Jane. We dated for over five years and we both had plans to settle down, but something just didn't feel right anymore. She was always there, supportive of my career as a professor in my late 50s, and our friends thought we were the perfect match. Yet, despite all that comfort and security, I found myself growing more and more distant from her. It wasn't about her; it's just sometimes you realize you're in a rut with someone you care for deeply. The tipping point came when I started noticing my feelings for another woman. Let’s call her Emily. She was my student years ago, but we've both moved on since then and reconnected through mutual friends. There was something about us that felt different from the start, a spark Jane never ignited after all these years. It wasn't until our friendship grew into something more recently that I realized just how much I had been missing out on. I kept pushing away my feelings for Emily because of the age difference and the potential complications it could bring to both our lives. But then one evening, during a rare get-together with some old friends, I found myself in a situation where everyone was being playful and the drinks were flowing freely. Before I knew it, Emily and I ended up alone in a room upstairs, and things progressed more quickly than we had anticipated. It wasn't graphic or explicit, I don’t intend to go into those details, but there was an undeniable chemistry that I had long been suppressing out of fear. The aftermath left me questioning why I waited so long to act on these feelings. Am I the asshole for not seeing it sooner, for breaking a five-year commitment over someone who wasn't even supposed to be in my life romantically? I suppose this confession is as much about getting off my chest that I'm okay with what happened, regardless of societal norms and expectations. It's strange how the simple act of acknowledging these feelings can feel like such a burden lifted. Now it’s just about navigating the future without regrets.