...The First Time I Dared to Cheat...

I'm still processing all this, but it's been about two weeks since my divorce was final. I thought everything would settle down once we officially called it quits with the paperwork and a shared custody agreement for the kids. But then last night something crazy happened. We'd gone out separately, drinks with friends on both sides, nothing too serious. By eleven, all our friends had either gone home or left us to ourselves at this hole-in-the-wall bar where we used to go when we were first dating. Old habits and all that... She leaned over me at one point while the DJ was playing some low-tempo track that made everyone sit back against their stools... I mean, she didn't exactly make a move or anything like that, it's not as if her hand slipped inside my jacket, but damn if we weren't close enough for her to whisper something into my ear. Her breath had the scent of tequila and smoke... And then it happened. Some guy at the bar must've seen us because he leaned over too and said something I can barely remember, some pickup line or come-on I think... But she just looked up, smiled this wicked little grin, and mouthed that she was 'free' for the night. I didn't believe it then. Even now, typing this out makes me feel like a moron for not recognizing what it really meant... So we walked back to her apartment, I mean, mine technically too since the kids were with my ex's family that weekend. But anyway... When she invited me in, she didn't wait around or anything formal either; one moment we were at the door, then next thing we knew there was a thud against the bedroom wall as we got carried away by it all... I'm still trying to figure out if I regret that, or what it means for everything moving forward. It wasn't about revenge or getting back at my ex, just felt like this last moment of passion before we go our separate ways...